If someone changes our world – show them to the world

The birth of a child is an amazing experience. A child changes our world: our world, as in our life but what I also mean is - the outside world. It’s natural that when a child is born we think of them as “ours”. But she or he isn’t only „mine”, they also belong to themselves and to the whole world. Think about it – a child , that came to the world will influence it someday and will possibly change it – for the better.

Often enough giving birth to a baby is accompanied by quite a bit of uncertainty–it’s especially true with the mothers: first we’re concerned about it being healthy, then we’re occupied about the child’s proper growth and development, later still - with how they will do in life. Will she or he be good person? A happy one? This type of anxiety may accompany us through all of our life but the question is – “What for? How does it profit our child or ourselves? ” It is not difficult to find a reason to worry about the future or feel anxiety. However, all we need to do is see that  a child is really only purely joy.
Discovering your own child is an amazing and fascinating adventure. From the very day a child is born you can see how unique and special it is. Parents who have other children later are often surprised by how different their children are – despite having the same home and upbringing. Mothers even say that every time they give birth it feels different and quite soon they discover that every munchkin is unique and one of a kind. It’s a joyful and wonderful experience to observe a growing and changing human being, to realize how huge of an impact we have on them – it’s also a challenge but a joyful one! As parents we are the greatest of artists because we have the power of creating happiness - building and supporting a happy life for our child.

Can anything possibly make one more proud?                     
The birth of a child is an immense joy. A joy that comes from the fact that there’s a new person in the world and we, as parents have the opportunity of looking over them when they grow; caring for them, helping them to be a wonderful and happy person. Doesn’t it feel great - knowing that we can discover our child, that we have this immense power to make them happy people, who will in turn bring happiness to others? It’s wonderful and we can meet this  challenge in a very simple way – through joy. Nothing teaches our child joy and being happy better than being with joyful and happy parents. So let us celebrate the coming of a new human being and let’s share this joy with others! :)

This is also why I’m excited to share a new idea with you. One that helps parents do just what wrote – to share their joy. For some time now I’ve been thinking that perhaps  some parents are too concentrated on the technical side of their baby’s coming and not enough on experiencing the pure joy that a new person really is. Together with a couple of friends I’ve come up with the idea of a website, which enables the parents of newborn babies of every country and culture to share their joy with others!  A website that will let them show their pride from introducing a fresh human to the world.
The idea behind Freshumans is simple – let everyone see the miracle of life, help all newborn babies in the whole world receive a chance to be greeted warmly among us.
Let’s make them feel welcome.
Welcome  Freshumans!
www.freshumans.com.

www.freshumans.com

Preschoolers And Self-Control

One of the more important stages in parenting and raising a preschooler is the ability of self-control, which develops between the 3rd and 6th year of life. What is this ability and why is it so important? You can say that, the goal of the whole process of raising a child is reaching a state, in which the child, and later - a grown up is able to plan their actions, make smart decisions and wisely react to changes in their surroundings as well as well as restrain from sudden negative emotions, which are harmful to them and to others around them. Self-control is the ability to restrain from abruptly reacting under the influence of your own emotions (‘I’m angry, so I’ll punch someone’) and/or outer influences (‘I see a wonderful toy so I want it now!’). Self-control is about being able to plan.        

Kids reach a milestone in developing self-control at their 3rd year. It starts when 3 year olds decide on being  independent , so we often get to hear „I want to… by myself”. This really is a good moment to grant your child a degree of independence. While keeping an eye out for dangers of course (hot beverages,  fire). It’s worthwhile not to do everything yourself  even though the child will act unskillfully (spill or brake something). Every time we want to take an activity away from the child (Yes! It is „taking away” something) because they had made a mistake, just remember how many mistakes we, adults make (at a new job for example) and how frustrating it is, when we don’t get the chance to learn something, because a more experienced co-worker  declares „oh, let me do it, you’re not doing it right…”. Do you know that frustrating feeling?  Suddenly you feel worse and useless. It’s similar with a child, which is learning  for the first time how to do things, which to us, grown-ups, seem absolutely basic and simple.

A child which independently does something for the first time is immensely proud of their skill (even if they’re doing something clumsy) and it’s good to boost this joy and the positive pride of doing something new. And if the child makes a mess of the kitchen and themselves in the process… well… we either want to have a clean kitchen or a smart child  These first experiences with one’s own activity are very important , they build a strong psychological foundation for one’s whole life for feeling joy about being active (the base of being a hard worker later) and a lack of fear of making mistakes and decisions (the base of decisiveness and bravery).
The third year of life is very important as the starting point  of building independence and self-control. In this period children:

• Gain knowledge about themselves – self-awareness: the build their own self-image based on the decisions, which they make and their consequences (the subconscious  messages in their heads may say something like: „everyone is happy, when I do something independently I’m smart and strong” or the opposite „I keep doing something wrong, someone keeps correcting me and doing it for me, I’m useless”)







• Based on the above the child develops a feeling of self-worth, self-assessment, self-acceptance

• She/ he develops the ability of self-regulation, self-control – parents and other guardians may help in this a lot encouraging the kid to be patient in her/his actions and to not give up when something isn’t going well (a positive message from chaperones is „well, try it again”; a negative message is „oh, you see, you’re not doing well, you’ve stained your clothes again, bruised yourself, give that to me, I’ll help you –  actually I’ll do it for you”)    

• Based on the above a child develops a strive for independence (or doesn’t)







We’re talking about a very important moment here. A child is developing the ability to be independent  and self-control, so they’re moving from parent-controlled actions to independently regulating their own actions and emotions.

I’ve mentioned above that self-control is the ability to restrain  from impulsively acting under the influence of emotions or outer situations. There are 4 types of restraining abilities which make up self-control (Macoby, 1980):

• Restrain from acting abruptly („I want this toy now, NOW”)
• Restrain from showing emotions on the spot („I don’t like you, you’re dumb!”)
• Restrain from drawing conclusions on the spot  („you didn’t take me for a walk– you don’t love me!”) 
• Restrain from making choices without taking the situation into account („I’d rather get one candy today then a whole box tomorrow”).  




Only at  around their 4th year of life do children begin to consciously control the intensity of their emotions, make more thought-over decisions and choices, plan their actions (but it’s normal that they might still fail at particular tasks).  Pre-school kids have a problem with, as it’s called ‘delaying gratification’, so they would rather have something now than wait and receive something more valuable later. Only during later childhood (around the 12th year of age ) do they fully realize, that it’s better to let go of a small prize now and wait for a bigger one, even if it requires patience and time.  

Waiting and patience are the hardest tasks for a preschooler. That’s why the attitude and help of parents is so important. As always the “golden middle” approach is best.
Being too restrictive and stressing discipline by parents results in the child being „obedient” only when the parents are watching, and when they leave the child alone she/ he will brake all the rules. That’s because the rules which parents impose on us do not become internal rules (of the child). So  this is about our child not beating up a younger brother not because „dad’s watching” but because she/ he feels that it’s good to take care of the younger and weaker.

On the other hand a complete lack of discipline and rules from the parents results in the child not having “a compass for what is right”. The kid is only learning the world and it’s rules, that’s why parents are authority figures and show what is important and proper and  how to act. Even if we are in the dark ourselves the child will still look at us  as the most important role model and will need stability, security and a reassurance on  what is right and what is wrong. Succumbing to the whims of a child which falls into a hysteria in the mall because she/he wants a new toy will only result in their not learning that for a lot of things in life you need to wait, and as a grown-up being very frustrated because no one is giving them what they want.       

The „golden middle” approach are parents setting the boundaries , allowing the child a lot of independence  and activity but knowing when to say „no” if some action is harmful to the child or their surroundings. 
And of course, as always, the simplest suggestions are not exactly easiest to follow. Good luck!                        

Literature:
Macoby, E. E. (1980). Social development. Psychological growth and the parent – child relationship. New York, Harcourt Brace Jovanovich.       
  
      

Schultz’s Autogenic Training

What can You expect from the autogenic training?
• You will learn a method for relaxing different parts of the body
• You will learn a method for entering a state of relaxation and voluntary states of demobilization
• You will learn how to ease negative effects of stress reactions, even when engaged in stressful situations and life is full of those
• You will feel the power of autosuggestion in the process of stress management
• You will learn how to enter and experience two states: of relaxation and concentration– essential for Your well-being in a world full of challenges and stress

Method of work:
The autogenic training is a method developed by J.H. Schultz which combines autosuggestion with control over physical and vegetative functions. The author also called it "focused relaxation".
This training may have a great impact on the life of the practitioner, who begins experiencing relaxation and concentration. They reprogram the whole organism causing more or less permanent changes in the physical reactions of the body and self-image. You also use simple formulas of autosuggestion. This is a method of influencing Your own body and mind. You might as well consider it a form of psychological fitness training. 
Licenses http://www.facebook.com/pages/Schulze-method/143130665701394
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/ 

Benefits from the training:
1. Learning to take the proper body position – which enables:
(a) muscles to ease down;
(b) blood vessels to relax;
(c) the body’s work rhythm to slow down and stabilize.
2. Learning to focus on Your own body’s reactions (better control and awareness of Your mind).
3. Learning to steer the reactions of Your own body and reprogram Your body’s work rhythm (better control and awareness of Your mind)
4. Developing the skills to transform and shape Your mind according to Your own goals and will  – thanks to autosuggestion.

STAGES OF WORK

STAGE 1
THE POSITION

Proper position: taking the proper position and closing the eyes cuts the stream of outer stimulation

Coachman position

We’re sitting on a normal chair (and not in a comfortable armchair or on a couch). The arms are slightly folded at the elbows – the forearms pressed against the inner thighs just above the knees and hands slightly folded inward. The upper part of the body slightly bent forward. The head is leaning to the front, bent a little. The upper body and leaning head are a bit like a cat’s back. The legs are spread a bit, feet directed to the outward.

STAGE 2 
                             TRAINING 

The exercises consist of:
• Learning to focus on muscular impressions coming from the body and learning to develop a sense of “heaviness” of the muscled parts of the body– hands, legs and the whole abdomen.
• We learn to focus on impressions from the different parts of the body– learning to „feel” one’s own heart working, breath, impressions from the solar plexus.
We repeat the lines in a “passive” way – You shouldn’t want to feel the impressions “too much”. 

FEELING OF HEAVINESS
1. We say to ourselves „my arm hand is heavy” –  and repeat 5,6 x
We say to ourselves „I am calm now” – and repeat 1 x
2. We say to ourselves „my arm hand is heavy” –  and repeat 5,6 x
We say to ourselves „I am calm” – and repeat 1 x
3. We say to ourselves „My arm leg is heavy” –  and repeat 5,6 x
We say to ourselves „I am calm” – and repeat 1 x
4. We say to ourselves „My left leg is heavy” –  and repeat 5,6 x
We say to ourselves „I am calm” – and repeat 1 x

IMPRESSION OF WARMTH
5. We say to ourselves „my right arm is warm” –  and repeat 5,6 x
We say to ourselves „I am calm” – and repeat 1 x
6. We say to ourselves „my left arm is warm” –  and repeat 5,6 x
We say to ourselves „I am calm” – and repeat 1 x
7. We say to ourselves „my right leg is warm” –  and repeat 5,6 x
We say to ourselves „I am calm” – and repeat 1 x
8. We say to ourselves „my left leg is warm” –  and repeat 5,6 x
We say to ourselves „I am calm” – and repeat 1 x

FEELING OF WARMTH ON THE SOLAR PLEXUS
9. We say to ourselves „my solar plexus is warm” or „my solar plexus is glowing with warmth” or „there is a stream of warmth flowing from my solar plexus”.
We repeat a few times – „I am calm”

SLOWING DOWN THE HEART RHYTM AND BREATH
„Discovering” one’s own heartbeat and the autosuggestion causing it’s rhythm to slow down.

10. We say to ourselves  „my heart is working calmly”
11. We say to ourselves „my breathing is calm”
We repeat a couple of times throwing in – „I am calm”

COOL FORHEAD IMPRESSION
A „cool forehead” is a sign of health and is present in deep, healthy sleep.
12. We say to ourselves „my forehead is pleasantly cool” or „my forehead is a bit cool”.
We repeat a couple of Times.

Photo:http://www.google.pl/imgreshl=pl&sa=X&biw=1280&bih=544&tbm=isch&prmd=imvns&tbnid=pdKZMA8c7sXcOM:&imgrefurl=http://www.arthursclipart.org/people/people/page_04.htm&docid=ki7VfSulqkjHvM&imgurl=http://www.arthursclipart.org/people/people/man%252520sitting2525202.gif&w=591&h=867&ei=HYyIT_iPCeak4gSk1IzqCQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=102&vpy=101&dur=157&hovh=272&hovw=185&tx=130&ty=121&sig=106731782989517055517&page=2&tbnh=164&tbnw=112&start=12&ndsp=21&ved=1t:429,r:14,s:12,i:138          

Five Simple Methods For Stress Relief In Your Life

Below You will find 5 types of stress-generating situations which we encounter in everyday life all too often. Stress can be controlled in an amazing way by working with the body. I’d like to share 5 simple, very effective methods for working with specific types of stress.
Of course if the different types of stress get to You at the same time You can use more than one technique. They’re simple and don’t take a lot of time. You can use them just about anywhere, even at the ladies’ or men’s room at work.   



Method 1
WHEN TO USE: WHEN YOU’RE WORKING HARD AT A FAST PACE, HAVE LITTLE TIME TO PERFORM MANY TASKS. 

Very often the tensions, which arise as a result of stress, are located in the neck and upper back area. This exercise will enable You to get rid of at least some of the unnecessary burden.
Stand in a comfortable position, with your hands hanging loosely along your body. Bend your hands at the elbows and pull closed fists out in front of you. Make a boxing guard with Your arms, elbows lightly pressed against Your abdomen. Now imagine that someone jumped on your back. Try to throw him off with force. You can also imagine throwing a backpack full of problems off your back.
Repeat this with force 5-6 times.




Method 2.
WHEN TO USE: WHEN YOU ENCOUNTER A DIFFICULT SITUATION OR PERSON, TOWARDS WHOM YOU WANT TO GAIN EMOTIONAL DISTANCE (person or situation that throws you off balance).

How to develop distance to a difficult situation and step back from Your own strong emotions?
Stand strong on Your feet – so that no one and nothing can throw You off balance. Hands bent at the elbows, your arms pressed against the abdomen, hands are open towards the front– like You want to push away an advancing opponent with force.
Imagine that someone is walking towards You and push him away in a powerful way. Throw Your hands to the front and push back whatever is coming. You can imagine that You’re pushing back the problem that’s charging on You.
Repeat this motion 5-6 times.



Method 3
WHEN TO USE: WHEN YOU’RE TIRED AND FEEL LIKE YOU’RE LOSING CONTROL OVER EVERYTHING. 

How to cope with a feeling of apathy, being tired and encumbered? You can shake the “bad energy” off Yourself. Start with the hands. Imagine that Your arms and hands are dipped in mud. Shake the mud off with dynamic gestures, so that it flies all around, as far as possible. Now do the same with Your legs. Imagine that they’re covered in mud up to the knees. Shake the mud off dynamically, first from one and then from the other leg.  Shake each hand and then leg for a couple of seconds. You can imagine that the tiredness and apathy is the mud that You’re shaking off
Repeat this exercise 3-5 times.




Method 4
WHEN TO USE: BEFORE AND DURING A TOUGH CONVERSATION OR WHEN SOMEONE IS TRYING TO ATTACK YOU OR MANIPULATE YOU.  

Stress destroys our physical and psychological balance. That’s why keeping Your physical balance is very important in a situation when tough emotions arise. This exercise is about discovering for Yourself a standing position which will give You a sense of safety, strength, stability and balance.
Stand with Your legs separated. Bend Your knees a couple of times, "swing" on Your legs a bit without lifting Your feet from the ground.  Imagine that Your feet have grown to the ground. Underneath them, going deep-down are powerful roots, which keep You very strongly on Your feet, protect You from falling down. We call this the “rooted” or “grounded” position.

It’s good to practice in pairs and check if You’re making a strong “rooted” position. You’re standing strongly on Your feet, and the other person is pressing and pushing You. You can wobble and flex but You can’t fall down, lose Your balance or lift Your feet from the ground.
After You’ve learned how to take a well „rooted” stance remember how to do it and try to practice it from time to time. This position will be especially useful to You in the following situations: 
• When someone is attacking You: yelling, insulting, blaming You for something,
• When You are to express Your opinion publicly,  present Yourself,
• When You have to face someone’s manipulations,
• When You’re trying to exercise Your rights ,
• When You’re feeling very tired and have to activate Your strength reserves,
• When You want to control Your emotions more effectively.



Method 5
WHEN TO USE: WHEN YOU’RE AFTER A TOUGH CONVERSATION, DIFFICULT MEETING, FEEL EXHAUSTED. 

What can You do when You’re weakened by strong emotions, have a lousy mood and feel that You lack strength?

That’s when You can use a warm compress.

Lay both of Your hands on your solar plexus, below Your ribs or on the stomach, left hand on top of the right one. Close Your eyes and focus on the warmth flowing from Your arms to your palms and further to your solar plexus and stomach. Keep this warm compress for a while, until You feel apparent warmth in the body.  Within 2-3 minutes You will feel the effect of the compress and Your mood will slowly start getting better. You will feel at ease and more self-confident. Following that another effect will be an increase of energy after a couple more minutes.

Discover How Playing Is Connected To Your Child’s Development.

Literature:
• Bornstein, M. H, Lamb. M. E. (Eds.). Developmental Psychology: An Advanced Textbook. Hillsdale, HJ Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, 1984.    
• Bornstein, M. H., O’Reilly  A.W. (Eds). The Role of  Play in the Development of Thought. San Francisco, Jossey – Bass, 1993.   
• Rieber, R.W., Carton A.S. (Eds.). The Collected Works of L. S. Vygotsky (Trans. by N. Minick). New York, Plenum Press, 1987
• Vygotsky,  L. S. (1967). Play and its role in the mental development of the child. Soviet Psychology (Armonk, N.Y.) , vol.5, no.3, p.6-18.  

Child’s Proper Motor Skills (movement and grasping) – What To Look For?

Notice: the photos are illustrative only, might not portray accurately specific  development period

Pictures used:
http://office.microsoft.com/en-us/images/
http://www.baby-pictures.org/newborn-baby
http://www.secretsofbabybehavior.com 

Literature:
• Osofsky, J. D. (Ed.). Handbook of infant development. New York, Wiley, 1987.
• Slater, A., Bremner, G. (Ed.). Infant development. Howe, Erlbaum, 1989.           

Child’s Proper Body Positioning – What To Look For?

Here you will find the proper child’s body positioning on the different phases of infancy. You should of course remember that each child develops in their own individual pace. However you should be aware, if your child’s body positioning will be much different from the proper model as shown by the experts.

Notice: the photos are illustrative only, might not portray accurately specific  development period

Literature:
• Osofsky, J. D. (Ed.). Handbook of infant development. New York, Wiley, 1987.
• Slater, A., Bremner, G. (Ed.). Infant development. Howe, Erlbaum, 1989.           

Photos used:
 http://office.microsoft.com/en-us/images/
 http://pl.123rf.com/photo_4118714_new-born-baby-girl.html